The Witch, the Slacker, and the Filipino Maid

At 6pm Singapore time on Wednesday, I was officially out of job. To mark this momentous occasion, Ash, Starusticity, and I went to Cafe Cartel at Plaza Singapura for dinner. Food there was good except they ran out of pasta. Food there was so good that Ash and Starusticity had bad stomachs the next day.

I, of course had no issues thanks to my ironclad stomach.

It's funny but leaving my last job was not as easy as I thought it would be. It was actually mildly depressing. While I don't mind leaving behind my boss and the nightmarish things he makes me do, I do miss the crazy times I had with Ash and Maria, our residential Filipino maid otherwise better known as Starusticity.

Was chatting to Ash on MSN earlier yesterday and she was saying she's sad because she doesn't really have any friends to talk cock with now that we aren't working with each other anymore. Honestly, sentiments shared.

The best experience that I'm taking with me from my first job is the experience of working with some really great people. Ash and Starusticity, give yourselves a pat on your backs.

The most important lessons I learnt during my work experience is:
Colleagues can be friends.

So as the three of us parted ways on Wednesday, I couldn't help but feel a sense of sadness. I liken it to the time I graduated and said goodbye to my college mates. You know you're going to try your best to keep in touch with the other guys. You just hope they try their best to keep in touch with you.

Unfortunately, I believe my efforts are seriously lame.

Oh well.

[Side note: Ash got a job offer yesterday which she's taking. When she resigned, she didn't have another job lined up. Through no small amount of miracle, she starts work on Monday with a company that appears to have much to offer to her. As an ex colleague and a friend who actually cared if she got a job or not, I'm ecstatic and happy for her.

Starusticity, apply for more jobs!]

French Connection United Kingdom Me!

[Note: Woke up this morning and did an email run. Saw a comment posted on my blog from some J Schnorng. First thing to go through my head was, "What's a schnorng?". Second thing after I looked up the blogger's profile was, "I got bigfucked!" So Mr Schnorng a.k.a. BigFuck (notice I didn't star star star star the Fuck hor!), if you're reading this, I dedicate a portion of this post to you.

Also please note that this post will be written in casual English and in some cases, Singlish. Apologies to my Western readers. Otherwise better known as ang moh over here in Singapore.]

Link to original post and comments. Click here.

Waiseh man! BigFuck got visit my blog! Damn on leh. Donno what to say ah. Feels like I got big fuck.

My balls are itchy lei.

I tell you man. I damn high now because got local blogging celebrity visit my blog. But donno if got misunderstanding or not. Eh Mr Fuck, didn't mean your blog easy to hack lah. Was trying to imply the blog hackers are stupid. Newspaper tell them http://big****.blogspot.com, they also follow put the star star star star.

Since you visit my blog ah and I already reading your blog quite some time already, I take this opportunity say this:

Me love you long time. Five dorrah, sucky sucky. Me like boom boom. You want big fuck? Me want ten dorrah. Me so horny. Me love you long time.

Okay, now that all that is out of the way, did you ever try registering your blog URL as BigFcuk? Your mommy sure cannot complain. If she does, just say that you like the clothing brand FCUK. If FCUK sue you, just tell them you failed your PSLE (Primary Six Level Examination) because of bad spelling.

Think about it. Oh by the way, I'm not gay. So don't go getting the wrong idea.


Now in totally unrelated news in honor of that great Malaysian tradition of reporting which is to put unrelated news under a big column header:

My last day at my current workplace today. Feeling extremely liberated. Sadly, I can't really enjoy this moment because I have a freelance project due and it isn't going too well. I suppose things could get worse.

I'll touch wood on that (Proceeds to touch between legs).

Going out with the Witch and Starusticity tonight for dinner and a celebration hang out.

Should go buy Singapore Sweep also. Never know, might win $10 prize this time!

Bosses Say the Darnest Things #2

An office memo from my friend's boss:

Hi Guy with New Zealand fruit name,

As informed in the earlier memo regarding music listening at the office, please remove all your music / video files from the computers by Tuesday before
lunch.

Those found in possession of music / video files will be penalised at RM5 [note: RM = Malaysian dollars] per song.

Guy with New Zealand fruit name will be going through all the pcs by Tues afternoon to counter check and report.

Rgds,
Boss

If I were Guy with New Zealand fruit name, my reply would be:

Hi Boss,

Music files penalize RM5, videos how much? Videos are not songs. Also, how to counter check? Not very clear on this.

I also noticed a disturbing trend of employees using CD / MP3 players. Do we delete music off those too? Also, most employees seem to burn their music and videos on CDs.

On the side note, I noticed you seem to have a healthy collection of MP3s
downloaded from Bitcity and other Torrent websites.

Please advice on how I should appropriately penalize you.

Regards,
Guy with New Zealand fruit name

Bosses Say The Darnest Things

An email my senior received this morning from one of our bosses (phrases bold by me for emphasis):

Hi ASH,

As discussed, there are many discrepancies in the QOH in the system and the physical stock. This is a critical problem for the system. Please discuss this issue well with M so that he has sufficient intelligence on the matter prior to your departure.

Thanks,
Linguistically Challenged

Takes a bit of reading to find the "what would be errors". After much deliberation, I decided that this is how I would reply this email if I were my senior.

Hi Linguistically Challenged,

I've read your email and understand your concerns. However, might I be so
bold to point out a few things:

1. The discrepencies in the system can be helped by us, the IT staff. However,
   I'm afraid that we can't help you with the discrepencies in the physical stock
   itself. Did you happen to mean discrepencies between the system and the physical stock by the way?
   
2. "This is critical problems for the system"?? You mean you want to give problems to the system? I'd much prefer we solve the problems IN the system first thank you very much.
   
3. You think we CIA is it? 'Sufficient knowledge' better lah. Watch too many James Bond already lah you. In any ways, the way I look at it, it sounds like you're saying he can't count to three. Don't try to be cheem with me.
   
   By the way, I'm departing tomorrow. Would have helped if you informed me on this a whole week ago or more since you yourself recognize it as a critical problem.
   

Regards,
Me

Harry's Porter

In my bid to capture a little bit of credit for the most phenomenal book ever written in the last two decades, I have submitted my proposal to JK Rowling to allow me to write the next Harry Potter book.

The seventh book in the Harry Potter series, which will hopefully be written by me, deals with the harsher aspects of growing up. Already JK Rowling has molded Harry and friends from innocent little wizards to little wizards who had to deal with the hardships of betrayal, love, and psychopaths.

In the seventh book, which I will call Harry Potter Discovers Amsterdam, we see our young Harry and friends, who are no longer in their teens, running away to Amsterdam. No longer the teens they once were, Harry and gang are now hormonally charged early twenty-somethings who are out to "experiment" before graduation from Oxford University (early in MY book, Hogwarts gets bombed by Al Qaeda terrorist who consider all wizards infidels thus forcing Harry, Ron, and Hermione to consider more 'traditional' means of higher education).

Once in Amsterdam, Ron discovers the joy of Magic Mushroom while Harry and Hermione discover the joys of inhibited physical pleasures. Somewhere along the way, Hermione gets pregnant with Harry's kid. Ron, devastated, splits from the group and starts injecting himself with morphine.

One night, in some back alley, he shares his syringe with some bum who has AIDS. The bum pays back the kindness by sharing his AIDS to Ron. The story later developes to tell the tale of how Ron battles with his legalized drug problem while fighting for his dear life as the AIDS slowly kills him while dealing with the heartache of seeing Hermione being abused by Harry who also happens to be vehemethly denying that the baby in Hermione's womb has anything to do with him.

Eventually, all 3 of them return to sunny side England where Ron dies, and Harry and Hermione end getting married. Disatisfied with his marriage, Harry constantly beats Hermione. One day he packs up and leaves. Hermione is left with a young baby in her arms. Unable to hold down a steady job, she finds herself sleeping in diners just to keep warm.

One day she thinks up this brilliant story idea and decides to write a book.

And for some odd reason, it never occurs to Harry, Ron, and Hermione in any part of my book that they have magic powers. The drugs got to their brains obviously.

My letter to Mrs Rowling below:

Dear JK Rowling,

What does JK stand for? Joking is it? Anyway, you talk about writing Harry Potter books to help young readers understand the harshness of adulthood. If that really is the case, I beg thee to consider my story plot.

All of us had to deal with the follies of youth and the heartaches of love and life, and death at one point or another. However, not all of us had to deal with the realities of broken dreams and really bad moral judgements.

Taking my story plot and turning it into a story would be awesome in warning young kids to grow up wise and make the right decisions in life when they hit their late teens.

Or at the very least, stay out of Amsterdamn.

Your's sincerely
Avid Non-reader

It Takes a Real Chicken

The buzz:
Xiaxue's blog got hacked, defaced, and her content deleted away


The red nose conspiracy theory:
The hacker read Tuesday's copy of Digital Life and really wanted to hack BigFuck's blog instead. However, since Digital Life published BigFuck's URL as http://bigf***.blogspot.com instead of http://bigfuck.blogspot.com, the hacker was unable to log into BigFuck's Blogger account.

Frustrated, he took it out on the next best person, Wendy Cheng a.k.a. Xiaxue.


What's really going on:
Last night, the Singapore blogging community was abuzz with it's latest juice, Xiaxue's blog got hacked and defaced. To add insult to injury, the hacker also decided to delete of Xiaxue's blogs and archives. Later on, Xiaxue discovered that her Gmail email account had also been broken into and her emails deleted.

It's funny how far people will go just to make other people misreble. As I'm typing this, I can imagine the perpetrator of the crime sitting at a kopitiam somewhere in Singapore boasting about this act of his to his friends who also don't like Xiaxue. I can imagine the smug look on his face and his buddies cheering him on for such a "brave" act.

I can imagine wanting to kick him in his grapefruits and seeing him roll on the ground screaming in pain.

Yesterday I wrote about blog hating and how I find many people who leave anonymous nasty comments chickensh!t. What happened to Xiaxue is definitely an act of blog-hating. I shall dub it "The Mother of All Chickensh!t". The hacker even had the cheek to post a totally stupid post on behalf of Xiaxue.

I don't have any content to write on this except I hope whoever did it gets hit by a lorry, doesn't die and comes out of it alright but with 2 smashed testicles. If it's a girl who did it, one breast ripped off.

To the perpetrator, we bloggers have feelings and eventhough a lot of us don't know each other, we respect each other as something we call community. To attack one of us is to attack all of us. So f*** off a@@hole.

Take your blog hating somewhere else.

Of Blogging and The Ethics of Response

Blog-hating is like my ex girlfriend who constantly b!tches about my writing all the way until today when she's only ever read one eassay of mine in her entire lifetime which was about 3 years ago. It's immature and stupid. Personal attacks through blog comments and baseless criticism plus mindless hurling of insults are like sand in one's underwear. It's annoying.

There seems to be a disturbing trend of blog hating now a days. While small fry bloggers like me are spared the pain of mass smiting over the Internet, big bloggers are less fortunate. Famous blogger like Xiaxue, Finicky Feline, and Kenny Sia all probably have to deal with a fair share of targetted blog-hating incidents. Even fairly popular bloggers like Claris seem to draw the attention of blog-haters. I've had my fair share of personal attacks on my blog before.

Often, other bloggers or blog readers would attack a certain blog because that person criticizes someone or something. The problem with this is, when a blogger criticizes someone or some other thing, they usually change the names to protect the person. Most people wont know who exactly is being criticized when this is done.

When a person comes along and leaves a nasty comment or goes on say "You shouldn't think this way" or "Grow up", everyone knows who the comment leaver is talking about.

Isolated incidents are alright but a sustained criticism effort by the same person(s) would amount into a case of blog-hating or as I like to say, a sustained moralizing campaign to morph one person's chain of thoughts into another person's style of thinking.

I remember when Xiaxue wrote a blog post criticizing Christianity. The Christian community in Singapore was fuming mad. A lot of my Christian friends asked the question: "How could she write something like this?" At the back of my head, the only thing I could say was, "So what?"

I wasn't thinking such because I'm a lousy Christian, which I am by the way, but because if Christians didn't find what she wrote respectful, Christians should think about how they view atheist in general. And believe me, atheist don't like to be told that they're 'lost and going to hell' and that their belief that there is no god is 'cooky and just plain wrong'. To them, Christians show a lack of respect to THEIR believes.

To my valued readers (you guys really are and as a side note, if I don't know you personally, I would like to get to know some of you guys), a few thoughts of my own:

1. If you disagree with someone else's opinions, thoughts, or actions, be tactful about it. Don't go saying stuff like "You shouldn't yadda yadda". It IS their opinion of events or things. And if they behaved in a certain way, don't moralize them with the word "shouldn't" or the phrase "What you did was wrong". Try "I don't think..."
   
   It comes across less harshly.
   
   
2. Anonymous criticism is chicken sh!t. It's like prank calls. No one enjoys prank calls.
   
   
3. Think about yourself first. Especially if you're a blogger. No one enjoys a bully or being evangelized too in a fire-and-brimstone manner. If you do, go ahead. If you don't, watch your words.

However, I make an exception for blog-bashing and harsh criticism as well as chicken sh!t behavior. I only make this exception to delusional people who mix up fact with the fictional and the plain stupid.

Allow me to demonstrate a qoute of such:

There was a survey I read in a women’s magazine many years ago when I was working at the “Iguana” at Clark Quay which said 70% of the women masturbate and the other 30% are lying

This was taken off this blog. For obvious reasons, it pissed me off. Then some guys who read this blog started bashing this guy asking if his mother does it and lies about it. He never answered them.

In my opinion, for something like this, the person deserves to be bashed. He only made fun of half the population in the world.

Keep the respect, love, and the blogging going!


References:
Cowboy Caleb: Can't We All Try to Get Along
minishorts: Blog(ger) Hating
ClarClar: who are you?

Sh!t In The Big City

[Author's note before launching into 1 A4 sized page rant: Went to the Blogcon on Saturday with Tiger. Saw Adri (see Popagandhi) Tan and my heart melted and broke into a million pieces all at the same time. Also saw Kenny Sia (see KennySia... doh!). He's fatter than I thought]

As a small fry coming from Malaysia (Kuching in particular. Kenny Sia isn't the only Kuchingnite who blogs), I find Singapore to be a curious place. The people in general are alright. The country as a whole can be rather funny. People tell me that the national past time of Singapore is eating. "Singaporeans like to eat," they would tell me. On any other day, I would concur with this statement. Today I disagree. I think the national past time of Singapore is to b!tch about nearly everything that happens in their country and about their country as a whole.

Recent news to draw national scorn in Singapore: the NKF scandal (CEO mismanagement of charity funds and 12 month bonus plus 600k salary), the SPG blog (Singaporean girl showing her breast on the internet), and Bloggers.sg being boring and pointless.

I could write so much about this 3 topics but I shall refrain from doing so. Instead, I'm just going to focus on the NKF issue.

Guys, let's face it, SGD600k for salary for a CEO is peanuts. It really is! Sure the gold tap infuriated us and the imported toilet bowl was ridiculous but an under SGD1 million salary for a CEO is still acceptable isn't it? Think about what the CEO salary would be if they had hire Martha Stewart or some other power CEO.

On Sunday when talking to Amleth, he pointed out that a SGD600k salary for a CEO is acceptable as long as he is managing the organization well, charity or not. I can't think of any other charity organization in Singapore that has reached a multi million dollar status.

Think about it, this organization used to make its money by using little school kids to solicitate funds from the general public, and other normal fund raising techniques short of having Fiona Xie suck someone off on national television [Note to Fiona Xie: If you ever want to pull off that stunt for the next NKF charity show, I humbly volunteer myself. But we'd need a lot of practice beforehand]. Through proper investment, they manage to grow their funds to the state in which it can sustain their operations for the next 35 years.

That's really something. Charity organizations and education bursary programs in Malaysia barely stay afloat and only mostly with the help from Malaysian gabbermen [Note to Singaporeans: gabbermen = gahmen].

When I first heard of the NKF scandal, I was infuriated like the rest of Singapore. My mind recently changed after I read the news that it's current CEO is stepping down. There are questions in my head that disturb me regarding all this.

Some of which are:

• What if the next CEO is incompetant? We could see 35 years of reserves wasted or embazzled away by others within the organization. A seriously pro bono type of CEO would almost guarantee depletion in NKF's coffers.
  
• What if there is no CEO next in the end and the organization is left to a board of trustees, all of which are aware that the public is scrutinizing them more closely now. They could end up scaling down their operations, deplete the coffers, and doing pointless acts of public confidence gaining measures.
  
• Will Fiona Xie call me and tell me we're on?

Okay, basically what I'm saying is this, Singapore, complain all you want but lets remain level headed and rational. Don't get carried away to one extreme end without first considering what's going on at the other end.

Being in love with this country, I'd hate to see it turn into a nation of brainless media driven critics.

There was once this time when a guy I met told me he hated Singapore and that Singapore is corrupt and lost. He even went as far as to praise Malaysia and call Malaysia a beautiful country. The furthest in into Malaysia he ever went was Kuala Lumpur (skipping everything else in between Singapore and there except Johore Bharu).

Coming from Malaysia, all I can say is, he obviously never had to handle goverment officers in Malaysia... Not to mention 40% of our police officers who reek of the odour of "CK Corrupt".

Blogging, The Aftermath

A big blogging event is happening tomorrow in Singapore. To put it in a visual context:


If any of you are wondering if I'll be there, it largely depends on Tigerming. I suppose I'll be excited about it tomorrow but at the moment, I'm not. If you ask me which bloggers I hope to meet, probably only Kenny Sia (because he's from Kuching and he seems to come up pretty often. Maybe can ask him bring up some Sarawak laksa paste), ClarClar (chiobu-est blogger in my opinion).

Was having a short discussion with Yoda this morning on the effects of the sudden high in blogging. For years, people have struggled to get their personal homepages noticed. Now, it's finally being noticed by the whole world. But is the necessarily a good thing?

In the past, people used to use blogging as a means of keeping in touch with friends, sharing of hobbies and interests, and voicing out things they wouldn't otherwise voice out face to face. For a lot of people, blogging is an escape from the drudgery of their daily lives.

Now, bloggers will have to be more careful about what they blog about. A few days ago, I read this article on an online news syndicate that told the tale of how this university went around looking at job applicants' blogs to determine if they were fit for the job. I found this disgusting as most blogs are regarding one's private life and in normal cases, most people can seperate their private lives with their working lives.

In Singapore, an A*Star blogger got sued and another one got flamed for her comments regarding guys in NS.

Bloggers now have seriously realized that their blogs are indeed very public and so many have watered down their content.

Sadly, everyone else who aren't bloggers can't be blamed for the demise of blogging. Bloggers themselves are to be blamed. Publicity high causes a lot of bloggers to focus towards more sensational blogging styles just to attract. While in most cases, it still does reflect what goes on in their lives and minds, the content is delivered in a none too impressive format.

Two weeks back I b!itched about Cowboy Caleb's guide to getting Tomorrowed. He said that many of Tomorrow.sg's editors don't like people who contribute in their own blog articles and that blog articles must be well written. Apparently famous bloggers are exempted from this. I've seen a good number of shallow articles appear on Tomorrow.sg. Some of them are from bloggers who contribute in their own blog articles.

Fair meh?

With Blogger.sg happening tomorrow, I can't help to think what the future of blogging in Singapore will be like soon. I like how it's approaching a community stance where bloggers get to meet and hang out with each other. But sooner or later, politics is going to set in and different cliques are going to start forming up.

To make matters worse, increased exposure my bring forth goverment censorship as well as intense scanning by companies, colleges, universities, or any other institution.

As for people attending Bloggers.sg tomorrow, I basically know what type of people will be there:
1. Famous bloggers and bloggers who know famous bloggers and have famous bloggers read their sh!t
2. People hoping to meet famouns bloggers
3. Kepo people which a good number wont be bloggers at all.

I fall under the kepo group. Either ways, see you all there!

Windows Axe Pee

Remember that whole Operating System debate thing that went on long ago in a galaxy far, far away? Remember how some people said Apple Mac OS was better than Windows and Linux was this and that?

Well, I'm probably going to play with a lot of non-Microsoft stuff in the future so I better state this clearly to all tech geeks who know me:


My Windows can run Doom 3. Your Unix can or not?!

Bite me.

Knock Knock

The office maid has left the building. Admittedly, I don't really know her but she's pretty cool. She opened the door for me every morning for 2 months when I didn't arrive the same time with my senior. I think like my senior, she's cool, lively, and jovial. She has an extra point to her, she's a bimbo. She laughs at burning hair and matchsticks.

The office is going to be a little bit more quiet from now on. Sadly. When the senior leaves, things will be ghastly silent.

These two women have made my office life worth it. When they're around, there's rarely a boring day.

War of the Worlds [Otherwise Known As 'Sand In My Underwear]

War of the Worlds is another delightful family movie from one of my favorite movie directors, Steven Spielberg. In War of the Worlds, Mr. Spielberg teacher families not to splurge a buffets. Buffet tables are to humans what human are like aliens, they make us sick and eventually make us lau sai (diarrhea) and die.

In War of the Worlds, we see our protagonist, Mr. Tom Cruise, running like a scared little chicken from town to town. He's basically running away from the thousands of people who want to know why he divorced Nichole Kidman who by the way, is totally hot, and decided to make Katie Holmes, who doesn't look much, pregnant. Apparently Dreamworks SKG decided to add in some digitally rendered footages of Ms. Kidman running after Tom with a samurai sword.

War of the Worlds also features the return of that lovable alien, E.T., or otherwise known as Emmanual Thompson (or in some cases, Eat This, Enjoy This, Excrete This, Extremely Tiny). This time, E.T. returns with a whole army of himself. And not just an army of lovable aliens which have magical fingers that can make you fly but with mutated versions of himself which feature three fingers, three legs, slime, and those lovable big bright eyes that we all grew to love.

Only this time, the eyes are black.

Yes, E.T. is back with a vengeance. Sure, he loved the kids that saved him. But he's mightily pissed off at the wankers that tried to kidnap him and do all sorts of funky lab experiments with him. He's out for blood now that he's older. And blood he'll get. There's where War of the Worlds comes in.

Basically, unless you try to draw parallels between the moral decaying of society and the effects of terroristic chaos to modern civilization, this movie wont meet your expectations at the end.

Life of the Babelfish

The most important book ever to be written in the entire history of mankind is undoubtedly NOT the Bible, Q'uran, Torah, or other whatnot religious books. The most important book every to be written in the entire yaddah-yaddah-you-get-it-already is the dictionary. Without that lovable book called the dictionary, over half the world's population would be vocabularily lost. A further 2/3rds of the world would be lost in bad translation.

Allow me to explain. Let us take that great book that Christians call the Bible and everyone else calls a "handy paper weight at hotels that the Gideon's Bible Society thoughtfully hands out".

Imagine that famous commandment from the Bible in olden day English:

Thou shall not covet thy neighbour's ass.

Without the dictionary, it is almost certain that 80% of today's youths would interpret that sentence as a no-no towards anal/gay sex and another 30% would be asking "Who the heck is Thou?" On a personal note, I believe that an exit hole should remain an exit hole.

What the dictionary means to me is this, it means that I have a means to check my horridly bad spelling against something else with horridly good spelling. It also means I have an excuse to say that I'm too lazy to check my spelling against anything.

It also gives me a perfectly good reason to make up new English words just to wow some poor soul who doesn't know English well enough and say to them, "I read it up in the dictionary."

My favourite word is Jalingkapoo which basically means to screw up on something and go poo.

It's probably worth noting that the Blogger spell check is not worth nuts. So is Microsoft Word's. Both constantly tell me my name is wrong which is impossible. My name is correct! I hate it when they offer suggestion to my name with words such as Mirth, Mere, or even worse, Merrily.

All that being said, the dictionary is one of the greatest pieces literature ever written by extremely bored people who have nothing else better to do and apparently are void of any form of sex life or social life so they just sit around and compile words and try to explain them.

It also makes good toilet reading.

Fringanmoo dingrest jigabod.

[Note: I just lost a game of scrabble. Yahoo's Literati is worth nuts. They should let me create my own words!]

Wreck of the Day

PMS-ing again. Fickleness in attitude starting to worry me. Sat through an entire discussion group tonight and behaved like a little boy. Played around and was restless. Got in what my bro was trying to teach us but still, I must've been distracting.

Whoops.

That's the best apology I can offer to everyone who was there.

Not much to write except maybe I need some time away from myself. I'm afraid I might end up killing that naughty side of myself.

Or maybe all I need to do is to just grow up.

That's worth considering.

Terror Has No Place In This World

Four bomb blast in london. Al Qaeda claim responsibility.

I don't normally voice out things in this blog that could be potentially extremely touchy and get me in trouble but for this once, I'm going to. I'm going to come out and say this straight out, to Al Qaeda and all other terrorist groups out there in this world be it Christian, Muslim, Hinduist, Buddhist, or atheist, terrorism has no place in this world.

Achieving your politico-religio goals through terrorising of innocent people is chickenshit. On a normal day, I would censor my foul words because I don't mean them. I mean them today. Religous or political fanatism can go to hell.

You guys who are into slaying people to achieve your goals, think about this. Today you bomb us, the innocent people of the world. You might win and actually get what you wanted. But you set the trend for your future generation on how to deal with tyranny or unhappiness about their government. Soon, they will be bombing you back.

Is that what you want? I dare you to say that out loud. I dare you to say that you promote blowing people up as a solution to the world's problems. I dare you to say it's okay for your kids to bomb your mother's house just because she's a different religion or has a different political view.

Did you guys ever think that you had anti-war supporters in that crowd? Well you bombed them you assholes.

You guys are not going to win this.

Peace and love shall prevail.

You guys will get bombed by really big missiles.

Terrorism, f**k off.

All Your Personal Space Are Belong to Me!

Employers from hell, an almost common sight now-a-days. Two days back I posted on the MC bit. Today my friend sent me another email from his boss reiterating the company's policy against personal freedom.

The first email:

Hi, All,

You are reminded to comply strictly with the office rules, especially the trainees and the new staff, some of which are set out below:

1. No downloading of software whatsover to your computers, including ICQ, MSN messager, unless authorised by us
expressly.
2. No playing of games, doing online chatting.
3. No listening to songs or music [ed. What's the difference?]
4. No using headset or headphone (All your headset and headphone should be removed from the office)
5. No pirated software, CD, VCD, DVD to be found in your possession or under your control at the office.
6. Sign the attendance book with the correct timing (including lunch time). Anyway, we can double with the fingerprinting record.
7. Attend work punctually.

Anyone found in breach of these rules will be given written warning. Repeated warnings may result in instant dismissal.

XXX, pls check all office computers to make sure that there is no illegal software or other softwares or games as mentioned above, and if found out any such software in the computers, pls report to me.

I will also do spot checks of the above.

Your co-operation is
requested.

Regards,
Horidgitable boss

Apparently little people paid little notice to this email. This prompted the second email to be sent out.

I still note some of you still ignore some of the following rules. I hereby give you the final warning that anyone who are caught in breach of these rules again are subject to disciplinary action.

I will check each of the computers to ensure compliance.

Regards,
Horidgitable boss

The only thing this brought to my head was:

*Shudder* My imagination runs wild

I struggle to wonder how this company keeps up employee morale. I'm guessing most of them are into S&M. Mmmmmmm.....

The Gaimen Experience

Went to get three books autographed by Neil Gaimen today. I really felt like I had no place there. First off, I'm not a fan. Secondly, there is no seconds. I decided only to go because my poor senior said she had to go home. Being a Christian does that to you. It teaches you to be nice to people and mean it. Not that I'm boasting/gloating/shoving it in/complaining [strike where not applicable] but just trying to say that it made me happy I helped someone else be happy.

I am a creature with a simple brain that is easily pleased.

Got down to Kinokuniya and saw the queue of people lining up to get Mr. Gaimen's signature. It was the first time (me coming from a small town called Kuching in Malaysia) I've ever seen anything like it. I was in awe. I joined the line somewhere in the center and took over my senior's spot.

When she left, this is what it felt like to me: I felt like I'm in that Bible story where the Israelites are fleeing Egypt and the Pharoah's army is after them [ed. Watch Prince of Egypt for totally wicked visuals]. The Israelites at the front were going, "Oh balls... We see a big body of water, are we going to make it?" The Israelites in the center were going, "Oh balls... I THINK we're going to make it." The Israelites in the rear were going, "Oh balls... We're screwed."

The Neil Gaimen signing was like that. People at the front were probably going, "Can we make the last 30 minutes of the signing section?" People at the center were definitely going, "We have a chance!" People at the end were certainly saying out loud, "We're f****d."

Mr. Gaimen is a very nice man. He signed all our books in the end.

I even made a friend through all this. All in all, I was only in line for slightly over an hour. Pity the rest of the people who were there since 4 or earlier. A special shout goes out to Mich and Gabriel (not the one I linked) for coming down to accompany me.

It was a well worth it experience. I don't think I'll ever do it again. I'm plain arse lazy.

By the way, as I'm typing this, I haven't had dinner and I was going to upload some photos of the thing but discovered that Sony is to #&$@ and uses a different USB connector than everyone else.

Note to Sony: You guys are friggin elitist. Apple you are not. Grow up!

The Best Office Memo In The Whole World

Got this from my friend today. It was an office memo sent via email by his boss regarding his employees coming in late. An instant classic if you care to read it through.

Date: 24 March, 2005

Subject: Attendance, Lunch, & Absence

The fingerprint attendance record shows that most of you have been persistently late in attending work, mostly after 9:30am and in some cases, even after 10:30am.

You are hereby warned that you are supposed to attend and start work at 9:00am. Anyone found attending work later than 9:30am for more two times per week will be given a warning letter. Persistent failure to attend work punctually and/or absence from work without prior notice and approval will be subject to disciplinary action and/or dismissal.

Punctual attendance also covers lunch hours. You are reminded that you should take lunch in different timings in separate groups so that at all times, there should be at least 2 or 3 staff in the office.

Pls note that absence from work is acceptable only for medical reasons (without doctor's certicate), pre-approved leave, and emergency leave(the nature of emergency must be approved by the management.) Trivial matters such as breakdown of cars, no transport available are not acceptable reasons.

Your co-operation is necessary to maintain good work discipline and performance of work.

-----------

Horidgitable Boss

Interesting is to note the red text area. Not only does this boss' attempt at spelling proper words break down, he also states that it is only acceptable to call in sick WITHOUT a doctor's certificate.

This conjures up the following image in my head:


This boss has the boss of the year award vote from me!

Pea Brained

I have a handphone with an organizer inside it. I have a PDA to take down dates on. I use Microsoft Outlook which has a spanking cool organizer feature. I have a sticky pad that I use to write reminders on sitting on my desk.

And yet, I don't use any of them. For some odd reason, I figured I could commit this one date to memory and would not forget it when the event came. I forgot about it.

I somehow magically mixed up that particular date with another event happening this week.

Now I feel like shooting myself.

The Shelley Leong gig was last Saturday night and I missed it because I thought it's on another Saturday night.

I feel like a super idiot now. I've been waiting for this for oh-so-long and I missed it thanks to my oh-so-powerful-memory.

Sh!te.

[Mich, if you're reading this, oops!]

Babble Babble

Everytime someone asks me why my blog is called Shattered, I'm not to sure on what to reply them. A long, long time ago, I called this blog Shattered because I was depressed but now I'm not. There's this itch to change the title of my blog to something more catchy like 'Tales of Oyster Boy' or some stupid sh*t like that. However, that's not really going to work out since I'd have to politely write emails to a handful of people and inform them to change the name of my blog link on their blog link list.

It's a good thing 'I not stupid' otherwise I'd be stuck with trying to mumble out some explanation as to why my blog is called Shattered.

I've come up with a few good stories to explain the title of my blog.

1. I got kicked in the balls a long time ago. They shattered and with it, so did my sex life and any hope of continuing my family line. Lucky got elder brother. Otherwise there goes my family line. He better not have daughters otherwise 'si liaw lo'. [Note: My balls aren't shattered. They're perfectly intact. I THINK I still can produce a family. Yet to be seen.]
   
2. Sounded catchy. Especially with that movie 'Shattered Glass' which hardly anybody remembers.
   
3. When I was thinking up the title for this blog, I was drinking a glass of milk. I accidentally dropped the glass and it shattered and milk spilt all over the floor. Seeing divine inspiration in that moment, I was torn in between naming my blog Shattered or Spilt. Shattered won hands down because as I was thinking, I dropped a window and it shattered on somebody's car.
   
4. It's my middle name.

I just realized that none of these stories except maybe the first, carry any credibility. Time to think up some new stories.

Until then, if you're new here, welcome to Shattered.

Friday Morning

On the train while on the way to work today, there was this guy who was furiously beating on his air drums to some tune he was listening to on his iPod. Fascinated, I look at him with 10% mild curiosity, 50% disbelief, 40% 'his an idiot' look. Discretely, I shake my head and return to playing my air guitar to the tunes of Jack Johnson.

After reading this and this, I felt rather disillusioned about the whole local blogging scene in Singapore. I thought Tomorrow.sg was a great way to expose bloggers to other blogs and different blogging styles. Tomorrow.sg has a set of unofficial guidelines that would guarantee your blog being Tomorrowed. I'll bitch about that in another post maybe sometime later.

Everyone wants attention. From the air drummer to the air guitarist, we all want attention. Some of us admit it, some of us don't. Shy people would tell you that they don't like the attention. Cock talk like that quickly fades when that so called "I don't like attention" person meets someone they like. Then it becomes, "Why won't they notice me?"

Already craving for attention.

Blogging can be sort of like that. There was this short time ago that I thought being Tomorrowed was pretty cool. I got Tomorrowed once and that changed me into a statswhore. It took a while for the hype to die out within me. The hype died out when I noticed my site visits steadily dropping from day to day, and also finding out that some people were hitting the refresh button every few minutes.

Attention comes at a price. People aren't always going to like what you blog about. I know in my case, there are several people who disapprove me blogging on certain issues. Normally that doesn't stop me.

Recently, it's stopped me. Basically, I've grown intensely fed up of listening to all the 'good advice'. For the whole week, I've been questioning whether what I'm blogging about is for myself and my much appreciated supportive readers to read and enjoy, or as a means for some to judge me and see whether I'm walking the straight and narrow path of political correctness and 'godliness'.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion. However, I don't appreciate opinions like "Be careful what you blog about. You might hurt someone else's feelings." Advice like this don't mean a thing from me when it comes from people who trash talk other people in real life and in blogging. Notice that I don't normally name names in my blog. At least I try to fictionalize accounts of things when it's negative unlike some other bloggers in the world.

I like attention. Good attention. I'm not an attention whore. I don't need attention. I just like it. It's like chocolate ice cream. Most of us like to eat it. Hardly anyone of us needs it. If you're reading this blog because you like it, I appreaciate it a lot. If you're reading this blog to find something to criticize me about, go away.

I shall now get back to playing my air piano. Now listening to Rachael Yamagata on my Zen. Original mind you.